Rabbi Chaya Bender, Senior Sermon, Parashat Vayera, 10-22-18

I would like to begin with gratitude. Thank you Dr. Vistozky for helping me to revive my artistic, rabbinic voice. Thank you to my Temple Sholom family for believing in me and in my Torah. To all that have touched my life at JTS, thank you for the growth opportunities and lifelong friendships.Thank you to my Ima and Aba Jaeger for welcoming me into your family. Thank you to my parents for being the best examples of what a loving home can look like, and of course to my Dad for being my musical inspiration. Emily, we made it and I love you.

And now for something completely different!

“I can not think of any need in childhood as strong as a need for a father’s protection.”–Sigmund Freud.

While the language of the quote does not reflect our modern sensitivities, it is nonetheless powerful. The number one priority in our communities should be the safety of our children.

Yet we have an inherited tradition of ancestors who did not take the safety of their children as their number one priority. Often our ancestors are praised for their steadfast belief in God at all costs, seemingly even at the expense of their children’s safety or their very lives. 

The binding of Isaac, just one of the many tests in Parashat Vayera, is a clear example of this. 15th century Spanish philosopher Yosef Albo in his work Sefer Ha-Ikkarim praises the actions of Abraham during the binding of Isaac as follows, 

“Praise or blame cannot be attached to an action that one is forced to do but only of one that is a result of absolutely free choice. For this reason Abraham was praised above the rest of humankind for his love of God, till the text called him (Isaiah 47) “Abraham my friend.” For no other aim existed in his heart but to do the will of God.”

According to Yosef Albo, Abraham was not under any obligation to sacrifice his son. It was a request of God, not a command. Were it to be a command, than Abraham would have offered his son under duress. Rather, it was Abraham’s free choice to forego his parental duties and willingly murder his own child out of an act of love for God.

Perhaps Abraham didn’t know what being a father meant. 

According to the midrash in Bereshit Rabbah 38:13, his father Terach was an angry man who handed over his son to be killed by a violent king because some of his idols were destroyed in an act of zealotry. 

Abraham’s need for a protecting father in childhood was not met and he in turn lived out the sins of his father, not protecting his own sons, Ishmael and Isaac, and not meeting their needs for a protecting parent.

According to Ramban in his comment on Bereshit 12:6, the actions of Abraham have a direct impact on the actions of his descendents–both his immediate children as well as all future descendents. This concept is known as  ma’aseh avot siman la’vanim–the actions of the forefathers are a sign for their descendants. 

As you will see hear in a few minutes in my song, there is a pattern of parents harming children, children having a separation episode from family, and the child’s subsequent harming of their children. 

The question is, when do we become the parent, the healer, and not just the child of the parent who is doomed to repeat the actions of the parent? Must the pattern always be ma’aseh avot siman la’vanim?

A voice rises up from our tradition with a resounding “no”. 

In the book of Judges, chapter 4, the Jews are greatly oppressed by Canaanite King Yavin. Prophet Devorah sends a message to the military commander Barak that he is to go to battle against the wicked king. Barak refuses to go unless Devorah goes with him. She consents to go with him but informs him that his victory will now be in the hands of a woman. In chapter 5, the story of Devorah is recounted in the form of an ancient song, Shirat Devorah. The song claims in verse 7,  

חָדְלוּ פְרָזוֹן בְּיִשְׂרָאֵל, חָדֵלּוּ–עַד שַׁקַּמְתִּי דְּבוֹרָה, שַׁקַּמְתִּי אֵם בְּיִשְׂרָאֵל.

Which means, “The rulers ceased in Israel, they ceased, until I DEVORAH arose, until I arose as a mother in Israel.” 

She made that choice to be the parent, the healer, and not just the child doomed to repeat the actions of the parent. It was an active choice. 

That it what I am asking you all to do today–to be Devorah.

Choose to act.

In just a moment we will sing together a song I have written about the transgenerational trauma of the early generations in the bible. It is written from the point of view of the abused who is able to stand up for themself, like Devorah, breaking the cycle of abuse in their generation. They had to become their own parent. 

We as educators, cantors, rabbis, and lay leaders are also their parent. We are a parent to every child. Most of the time when children suffer, they suffer in silence. They are either too afraid to speak out or have previously spoken out and their needs were not met. But our children do suffer.

As an educator and a rabbi, I have had children speak to me about the pain of their parents’ divorce, what it is like to have sick or dying relatives, living with poverty, the fear of coming out of the closet, about abusive family, partners, or strangers, and about their struggles with addiction. Our children are reaching out, but we need to extend an even longer arm to them. To reach out before they do to show them that our schools, community centers, institutions, and synagogues are safe places. Places where we will break the cycle once and for all. We can choose in this generation to prioritize our children.

I invite you to sing the bold in your handout. I wrote a song for two reasons: I hope to reach you and I hope for you to reach others. Music is the language of the soul. After hearing this song today you might love it, you might hate it, you might even complain! Either way, I hope that a part will be stuck in your head. Whenever you have a chance to stand up for children, I want this song to play in the back of your mind so that you will make the right choice–to sacrifice yourself for the sake of our children, to do what Abraham could not do.